I’m not fancy. A lazy idiot can’t be fancy. That would involve getting up early and putting effort into stuff.
So I was shopping for some easy foods I could keep on hand at work to distract me from how close I am to convenience foods, which are more costly and less good for you, and I found this yogurt.
In a sea of multicolored packages and “fake healthy” Greek yogurts where you dump sugar onto them or sugar is already in them and shit like that, this stood out as being both possibly healthy, but laughably stylized.
The botanical drawing of a vanilla orchid. The minimalist packaging (which I would later learn is a removable paper sleeve which can be recycled), the beautiful typeface and kerning.
It looked straight out of the mind of Gwyneth Paltrow.
So, after I mocked it, I bought it.
And here’s my review.
Siggi’s yogurt is a style called Icelandic skyr, which Wikipedia tells me is usually served with MILK AND SUGAR. WHICH EXPLAINS A LOT.
When you open it, there are these enticing flecks of vanilla bean. I expected a cheesecake-like consistency and flavor. And it is very, very thick. It’s sweetened with agave, which we all know is another bullshit term for sugar (allegedly), but you wouldn’t know. You wouldn’t really know about the vanilla, either.
The first time I ate it, since I expected something sweet, I was very taken aback. The second time (literally right now), I steeled myself up. Hey, Kelzor, this is going to be tart, but you know that, and you haven’t had anything sweet in a while, so your taste buds won’t do that Orange-Juice-After-Toothpaste thing to you right now, so maybe you can taste the intricacies better. Maybe!
I could put this on tacos.
It is like sour cream. Thick (which is lovely), barely-noticeable Vanilla, scantly sweet, and more tart than anything, if I put this on a baked potato and served it to someone, I would bet a Single American Dollar they wouldn’t flinch.
But nutritionally this thing is pretty good!
A friend once chastised me for eating a Tillamook yogurt because it had more sugar than a Krispy Kreme, and that saddened me, because I then wanted a Krispy Kreme. So this thing having just 9 g of sugar (probably a good portion of which are just natural milk sugars) means it’s definitely a better choice than a lot of faux-healthy yogurts out there.
However, for a bit more than the price of this (about a buck), I can get a tub of 2 cups of cottage cheese, and then I can dump Sriracha in the cottage cheese, and then I can shovel spicy cottage cheese in my mouth, and it probably looks weird to a lot of people but I don’t care. I’m not going to be featured on Goop anytime soon.
So, like, basically, if you like tart yogurt and spending about a buck on it and think it’s Aesthetically Pleasing, try Siggi’s. If you like sweet yogurt and donuts, then, you do you, cowboys.